(NB – The majority of this post was written some months before I eventually resigned. I thought it might be useful to share a bit of how I was feeling at the time.)
It’s the cliché, buy a sports car, and a leather jacket and go out partying with the kids….
I already think it might be one…
- In the last 6 months I have changed my hair dramatically, and actually said to my hairdresser that I wanted to pretend I was 30…
- I have considered a new car (electric, naturally), but got real and instead got a new shoe bench for the hall.
- I have bought a wireless speaker so that I can listen to 90’s indie music, and teach my 5 year old how to ‘pogo’
- I crave nights out, dancing and getting, well, shit faced.
So, im sure a psychologist would say it’s a pressure release thing, this craving to let go of reality and escape to my youth for a few hours. The responsibility in life feels huge – mortgage to pay, stressful job, child rearing, aging parents, half way through and so much left to do… Is that what causes a midlife crisis? I think so. Is it a crisis? I think not.
I am definitely having a mid-life ‘thing’ – its not a crisis, its a re-evaluation, a taking stock and a realisation that I’m probably at least half way through and that life is short, and you only do it once.
My current life is not sustainable, I am getting so overwhelmed with anxiety and exhaustion that I am missing out on fleeting and precious time with my son, and losing any sense of who I am. Something has to change. I don’t want to escape for a few hours, I want to enjoy being where I am, I want to make the most of the next 40 years.